Pros laugh

My Fanfiction Index

Here you'll find links to all my stories, sorted by fandom, gen, het, pre-slash, slash or unclassifiable and approximate length. Includes ratings.

Drabbles and Snippets: Less than 1000 words.
Short Stories: 1000 to 25,000 words.
Long Stories: 25,000 to 50,000 words.
Novels: 50,000 words or more.

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Pros laugh

H1N1, the super-condensed version...

Both my children (grades 7 and 8) have been studying the H1N1 flu virus ever since starting school last week. I assume it's some sort of effort on the school's part to make their learning relevant to the real world.

My llyo son has an LD that makes writing by hand very difficult, so periodically I will find his homework saved on my desktop.

This is what I discovered today...

h1n1 - the horrors!!!

Both flues are similar in the way that they both effect mainly during the fall season and the winter season and they have a similar structure in DNA. They are also similar in the ways that they are spread through coughs and sneezes. They can also be transferred through contact of skin through things that are carrying the virus, like people or pigs. But they are very different in the ways that it can do to your body. As both flu’s cause fevers, sore throat, and a bad cough, h1n1 causes respiratory problems so some people must have a tube stuck down their throat.

Victoria Dunn

E.H and I have spawned!

Who ever said two women can't reproduce? Our evil hive mind has taken on a life of her own. And the fact that we've named her is in no way psychotic.

Besides, if "Victoria Dunn" wasn't real, how could she ever have created her very own blog?

Her blog is the happy result of a near OCD compulsion to transcribe - and mock! - vintage knit and crochet patterns, ads, and other odds and sods. Not only that, but she's foolishly agreed to transcribe the complete instructions for the monstrosities that she's ridiculing.

Check out what Victoria Dunn's up to here:

Handmade by Mother - So You Damn Well Better Wear It!
Pros laugh

Feedback... Hey, it's actually Friday!

I know I promised elizabethhelena that I would write a fan letter to Daisy Duke AKA Catherine Bach, but this past week I was inspired to write to a completely different person.

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For the record, I don't write many fan letters outside the internet. I've had bad experiences with them. The first one I ever sent resulted in a (very kind) letter back from the deceased author's estate. True, Robert A. Heinlein had been dead for almost two years, but I didn't know that. It was a bit of a shock, so I was quite careful to make sure the next author I wrote to was still alive before I sent my letter.

Unfortunately, Lucy M. Boston died a week later. Which as she was nearly a hundred shouldn't have been a surprise, but still I began to wonder if I was somehow wielding death with a pen. I mulled over the possibility of sending a letter to Isaac Asimov, but decided I'd better not. He was old too, and I didn't want to take the chance that if I wrote to him he'd keel over on the spot (he lasted two years past Ms. Boston, as it turns out).

So, if something unfortunate happens to Mr. Gaiman in the next couple of weeks (he is happily young and healthy, as far as I know), I solemnly swear I will never write another snail-mail letter to anyone ever again.



Spam is getting scarier...

This one arrived in my junk folder titled, "Take an extra 20% off!"

Off what, I wondered. Off my mortgage? Off my total net worth?

Nope, it's offering to take 20% off my penis!

"Erectile dysfunction walks away using our Levitra.
Have you heard about the new technologies in anesthesia?
Everything has its beginning and its end. Take a debilitant and chill out!"

I'm concerned that these people want to hurt my penis. Which makes me awfully glad I'm a girl. Because apparently their treatment for erectile dysfunction involves anesthesia. And a debilitant, which I can only assume debilitates you, so you can't chase after them and demand to know what they've done to your (now 20% reduced) penis.

On the other hand, they did warn you. Everything has its end. Including your penis.
rebel kitty


I'm a Real Writer!

One of my - non-fanfic - short stories just got accepted for publication in On Spec, some time in the indeterminate future. Which means everyone should totally buy the magazine for the next year and try to guess which story is mine.

One of them will be mine. Honest!

I know that's true, because they sent me a contract, and they're giving me money, and a subscription, and everything!

Pros laugh

This kid is hilarious... :-)

It seems my 11yo son never just gets a cold - he gets horribly, horribly ill. But there's still always moments that make us laugh.

This afternoon, for example, he was in the bathroom coughing up a lung. When he staggered out, he announced that every time he spat up it, "hurts both my ribs and my crotch."

EH, sitting at our computer, looked up and said mildly, "Sweetie, next time the word you want to use is 'groin'. It hurts my ribs and my groin.'"

Immediately on the defensive, the boy replied, "I'm really sick! You have your mental illness, and I'm really sick!"

To my immense admiration, EH somehow managed not to laugh. We saved that for later, when he couldn't hear us.

Clearly we need to give him more slack, when it comes to his lexicon. At least until he's feeling better. ;-)
Pros laugh

My son versus his French teacher...

There's a war going on between the French teacher and most of his Grade 6 class this year. My son has been doing his part sowing the seeds of disorder by asking questions such as, "Why are we learning this?" "Are we ever going to need to know this stuff?" This morning I sent my son off to school with instructions to sit down and be quiet in French class.

"You want me to be nice to him," growled my son.

"No," I said, "You don't have to be nice to him. Just be quiet. Maybe you'll hear something you can use against him."

"I don't have to be quiet to hear that!" said my son. "He threatens students all the time, and I didn't think that was allowed!"

"What does he threaten you with?"

"He's gonna strangle us. We're all getting F's. We're all gonna be sent to a Turkish Prison..."

I couldn't help it. I started laughing. When I composed myself, I said, "Well, be quiet, and take notes. If you feel he's crossed a line with something he's said, you can write a letter of complaint to the principal." Then I had to ask, "Are you really afraid of Turkish prison?"

"They don't feed you there," said my son, earnestly.

ROFLOL! This is why my boy will never embark on a life of crime. He can't handle prison food.
  • Current Mood
    amused amused
Pros laugh

Discovered in a boy's bedroom... ;-)

I was cleaning (AKA 'mucking out', 'excavating', etc...) my 10yo son's bedroom, when I found a scrap of paper crumpled up in the corner. He collects old machines and fixes them - this story was obviously typed on his "portable" manual typewriter. (I've transcribed it below the picture.)

"clack, clack, clack " went the writer's typewriter. Then a sudden "ding!" filled the room. Then he said "done". Then the doorbell rang. He opened the door only to find a note that said: "John dear, by the time you will be reading this, I'll be here". Then his wife pulled up in the driveway, and then he said, "Well, you're home early Rowan". They went inside and she looked at his work and said, "wow!" "This is pretty good," she said. They walked into the livingroom and had a long talk about him getting a job.

That's right, buddy. Get a real job!